BULLIES look big. They dominate an environment. They bring negative energy into a space. They get a lot of attention and they control via fear.
But they have no defense against true warriorship.
I’ve been reading a lot about warriorship this week in preparation for a yin yoga training with a senior teacher. It seemed disconnected at first that a teacher leading students through long-held seated poses would want to discuss the subject of warriorship. Sitting in Sleeping Swan Pose for 5 minutes isn’t exactly the image that comes to mind when someone says “warrior” to me.
Part way through the reading, I realized though that warriorship is cultivated prior to pressing circumstances so that it’s readily accessible and can be drawn on in challenging times. Maintaining stillness with discomfort is a form of training, so-to-speak. It’s developing skills and tapping into our ability to be with and address challenges. But we can develop warriorship in a variety of ways, not just in a yoga pose.
But I’d like to focus less on the means of developing warriorship and more on its nature and value. Far too many stories about bullies in schools, communities and workplaces grace the news nowadays. While we may not use the term “warriorship” in everyday conversation about these events, I think it’s one of the few words that actually speaks of a pathway that can create much needed favorable shifts in human interactions.
So let’s start talking about it!
Warriorship makes us ready, realistic, interested, open, responsive, selfless, humble and inclusive participants in taxing relationships and environments. We can show up aware, able, decisive and committed to doing that which needs to be done for the betterment of others, without passing judgment or acting from preconceived notions. Warriors not only exude positive energy, they cultivate it, preserve it and encourage others to bring about the same.
I promised a few posts ago that I would revisit One by Kathryn Otoshi for a well-deserved detailed look at her story. This week I also realized that one of the gifts of her character “1″ is that “1″ is able to bring about a shift in behavior of bully “Red” because “1″ is a warrior- a mindful warrior.
Let’s see what “1″ has to teach us about the character of a warrior.
“1″ isn’t the character being bullied. “1″ is a witness, and from that witness state, “1″ notices that there’s a situation unfolding that cannot continue if all around are to be respected– for a bully against one is a bully against all. “1″ steps out of the background to address “Red” before “Red” can do his usual thing to make his points. “1″ then quickly includes the victims in his/her circle. And in the end, “1″ includes “Red” as well.
What makes “1″ a warrior? Warriors meet challenge. Warriors stand up, but not to fight. Warriors stand up knowing that presence, acting from a solid place, and connecting are the true antidote to aggression. Warriors can soften a situation without relying on aggression. They see all as is and can act accordingly. They bring the focus back to something universally beneficial. They unite groups whenever possible. They exude mindfulness.
Most importantly, warriors use declarative word and action. Victims may be saying the same two letters, “N-O,” that warriors utter, but warriors speak them from a declarative place. They speak slowly, truthfully and justly with unfettered faith in themselves and in acting for the greater whole. They are saying what they mean and meaning what they say.
We all have a warrior spirit within us. (I think that’s what my yin teacher wants all of us to understand through these exercises and readings!)
“Yes” and “No” are the two most declarative statements we can make. We learn them very early in life. But all too often we say them and don’t mean them or we say them with hesitation. Only when our “NO’s” are declarative are they uttered from our inner warrior. Only when our words are declarative do we exchange the feeling of being a victim for the feeling of being our own agent of change.
Bullies thrive when we are not declarative. They are fueled on another’s instability. Yet there’s more to these interactions: bullies are powerless without targets, we can never control another being, and there may be non-bullies and non-victims around as well.
Those who bully are behaving inappropriately and no one deserves to be bullied. So what do we do?
Bullies could benefit from guidance to make different choices. And victims of bullying deserve support in moving beyond those experiences. Those are pretty standard responses. What if we also elevate the value of witnesses, change our own behavior, and help our children find and nourish their inner warriors? Perhaps we can eliminate targets- not by hiding, shielding or separating victims from all possible bully-prone situations- but by helping victims find their inner warrior. They have it. For ourselves and our children, we can affirm that we have voices and we can use them mindfully to stand up for ourselves and others.
Warriorship proves to be the antidote to bullying in the story. “1″ speaks up against “Red” without wavering. The energy and the relationships in the story shift. Is it too idealistic to consider this possible in 2013 in the USA? I don’t think it’s idealistic to think this type of warriorship is possible or effective. Warriors of this nature are in thousands of stories and modeled in countless effective leaders throughout history.
Warriorship is a human trait. It’s a peacemaking, problem-solving trait. It’s there for a reason.
Thankfully, Otoshi has crafted a story that is simple in design but gives us a platform for sharing with our children the concepts of noticing and using our voices. If we start talking about warriorship, modeling it, emphasizing the role each of us plays in these circumstances, and if we cultivate warriorship in our children, in ourselves, and in each other, I have faith we’ll start to shift the behavior in our schools, communities, and workplaces. Sure it will take some time and practice, and bullies may act with the belief they have control. But at best it’s temporary control. Victims may feel helpless, but they have internal strength. Bystanders may think they have no part, but they have a meaningful role to fulfill. Warriorship is natural and sustainable and we can ignite it. Otoshi calls on all readers to cultivate it and let it lead us to intervene as situations warrant. I agree!
May we all cultivate our inner warriors. May we all find peaceful ways of interacting with one another.
I recommend this book for K-5th graders but the lesson could (yes, please!) be considered by adults as well.
Themes: bullying, inclusion, identity, warriorship, self-esteem, community
Themes for Yoga Teachers: community, ego, self-esteem, warriorship, personal power, Manipura, Vissudha, voice
Practices to help children cultivate their inner warrior will appear in the practices sections soon.
